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Double-J 2007-02-17 04:09

Depressed? (Vent)
 
Anyone else ever just feel really depressed? I mean, I don't feel clinically depressed, but I'm a bit down lately, you know?

I think the first thing is that I haven't really had a serious girlfriend in ages. I had a few girls in mind over the past few semesters...one I was doing quite well with, but she broke up with her boyfriend and went to a different school, I haven't heard from her since (and she got a new cellphone # which I don't know). Another was a girl I'm still very interested in, but she's got a boyfriend, but very intellectual and smart. Again though, boyfriend. Finally, the blonde I'd been obsessing over for years, was graduating from Uni a semester early, and we hadn't seen each other in a bit. She asked me to dinner and such, we had the date planned and everything, and then randomly she went home and I haven't heard from her since. Cunt. My biggest thing is that I've never really had a serious girlfriend, and I realize I'm not a Don Juan or an attractive fellow, but I hate seeing such jerks with these nice girls. It doesn't seem fair. Sour grapes or not.

Then, my Uni and career stuff is all a bit confusing right now. My current Uni is one of the schools I applied to for my PhD. stuff, but they turned me down (did accept me to MA program though...). Haven't heard from other schools yet. Also applied to education schools, haven't heard from them yet either. On one hand, a PhD. would be really cool, write my own books and such, but the crappy pay and the frequent moving and lack of funding make it undesirable. Similarly, teaching is great, I love it, but the education schools are fucking retarded with the courses they make you take...not hard, but just insanely retarded...so it's a crossroads I guess. I like to have everything in order, very organized, and right now, it's all up in the air.

School right now is destroying my testicles. I want so badly to work on my book (which has to be finished in the next few months) but I've got other classes that all require long research papers as well, so my time is basically zero. No time for the Prequel either.

Then, I've got to get a bit of oral surgery to fix a wisdom tooth that is fucking retarded. Cheers.

I really shouldn't complain...I've got my health, my family, my friends, etc., so I don't like to bitch. I've really been blessed. I just needed to vent.

Any thoughts would be most appreciated.

-JJ

ChaosFish 2007-02-17 10:04

JJ, I wish I had your problems.
I guess suffering is all relative.

ChaosFish 2007-02-17 10:56

Sorry, that was offensive maybe.

So we're in for bitching? Wanna hear my story?
Hold your chair.

I don't have my health, my family, my friends, etc.
My parents don't really have much energy to waste on me, I never had good friends (MBN excluded), and I feel sick.

I went to school until I couldn't handle it anymore and left it at the beginning of the 9th grade. That didn't change the fact nobody cared much about me, and after that and four years of humiliation, today I'm one year at home not seeing anybody, no one ever calls me, and the only one person I am seeing is a social worker two times a week. My teeth are getting ruined from me creaking them over the nights.
All the "friends" I ever had left me, I never had any girlfriend, and when I look back at my life all I see is one 21 years of a big hole.

And yes, I do realize I may seem like the opposite of being depressed while on the MBN. Go figure.

So don't feel sorry for me, but I think I'm entitled for some bitching too.

Sorry for this depressing post, but yours wasn't exactly lightheaded too. I at least hope you'll appreciate the honesty.

Kitarii 2007-02-17 12:28

Wow. :sigh:

Well I am "clinically depressed" as you say, I don't really know why, I just let too many little things bother me. I thought it was kinda funny when the doctor analysed me that way though...

I don't keep any close friends, simply because I like my space, and basically, you can't get yourself attached. At the end of the day, the only person you can really rely on is yourself, and even then, you're not that reliable when it comes down to it.

Biggest problem is this glandular fever thing (which isn't officially classed as glandular fever but the doctor said it most likely was... Kinda confusing) which has kept me off school for about four weeks. Normally that would have been okay, but at this year the work rate is so high, I'm about ten maths chapters behind, along with a couple of english desk studies and my music composition needs to be completed in about a week.

The girlfriend thing... It's kinda annoying. I've never had a girlfriend last longer than 3 months, but that might be partly because of me. I'm not really that bothered about it atm, because there aren't a lot of girls that I'd really like to go out with. Just one, and she's a good friend.

So I contributed. I'm not really that depressed, I actually feel really cheerful today! But like you say, suffering is all relative, and when you haven't known anything worse than a current situation, then what can you do?

Jasiek 2007-02-17 13:16

Yes, kinda, maybe.
Don't really wanna talk about it I guess, kinda trivial when compared to what Fishos wrote.

Ido, you need to go to school or find a suitable workplace, really, life is what you make of it, that's what I learned in the last few years, people won't notice you the way you wan't them, if you won't present yourself the right way. You know, school, Uni - that's not really about that paper you get after, it's about meeting people, going out, making sure they notice you and when you're in trouble, they will notice it and try to help. But if you don't reach for it, it won't come to you. Humans live in packs and herds, a totally individual - alienated life is a hell -> And I'm not just being a wise guy here, that's expierience talking I guess, when I look at my life before, and now I have no doubt, that that's the way to do it - you can't live apart from an environment full of people. At my uni, I know a person with a charachter very similiar to yours from what you show to us - I was kinda very surprised, becosue talking to him was a bit like talking with you, well, people like him very much. And it's always easier to find some solitude amongst people, than to find some company when you're totally alone. The worst thing you can have, is to be alone with your "black" thoughts to dwell on, you need a distraction - somehting that will put you closer to people, there are some worthy of a friendship out there, always.

Hope theese don't look like empty words, I don't mean to repeat stupid, common phrases - it comes from what I have learned.

Double-J 2007-02-17 15:34

I'm glad to see we're all a bunch of depressed bastards...:(

I think we all need a collective round of beer.

LBAWinOwns 2007-02-17 16:29

We humans are superior over our thoughts and feelings, feeling depressed is absurd.

You see what I mean? Not? Ok ask yourself this:

"Why do you get offended when someone offend you?"

Well. Actually it's because from childhood, school, parents, religion and so on have taught that swearing is wrong. Also, everyone around you also react negative to swearing and such.

So if you feel depressed. Just don't. If you hunger for love, don't.

Don't let small things ruin your day, you should be more robust than that.



Just a last warning, before you take the very last step that will perhaps forever ruin your life:

Don't take drugs and shit of course, but not only that. Stay away from psychologists. They don't get paid to cure you in one day, they get paid for making you feel temporarily good, and making things worse so you stay at their place and continue to pay them!!! They give no fuck in you really.

And don't say their are good psychologists, since then they would just get bankrupted and can't compete in a freedom of competition.

wacko 2007-02-17 16:56

That sounds disturbing Fishos, I never imagined you to be anything but a joyful dude.

Jasiek, wise words, especially "it's always easier to find some solitude amongst people, than to find some company when you're totally alone."

Quote:

Originally Posted by LBAWinOwns (Post 305376)
Stay away from psychologists. They don't get paid to cure you in one day, they get paid for making you feel temporarily good, and making things worse so you stay at their place and continue to pay them!!! They give no fuck in you really.

And don't say their are good psychologists, since then they would just get bankrupted and can't compete in a freedom of competition.

Now you're starting to sound like a member of the church of scientology.
Psychological therapy can surely be very effective and useful if you have a personal problem you can't overcome by yourself.



As for myself, I have really nothing to complain about. I get sad/emotional from time to time of course, but I don't consider it bad to feel that way every now and then; I'm not depressed.

Mia 2007-02-17 20:20

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. That was around the time everything was starting to go downhill, and all my friends decided to ignore me, and I started getting bullied.
Now I'm a lot happier, although they still say I'm depressed, and say that it's mostly genetic (I have a strong family history of depression).
And the psychologists they sent me to really didn't help me at all. They wanted me to talk to them, and I just didn't have anything to say to them at all. I really wasn't gaining anything from the sessions, so I stopped going.

Finding friends was really the thing that started my turnaround.

Q-Wi-Q 2007-02-17 20:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by wacko (Post 305384)
That sounds disturbing Fishos, I never imagined you to be anything but a joyful dude.

Jasiek, wise words, especially "it's always easier to find some solitude amongst people, than to find some company when you're totally alone."


Now you're starting to sound like a member of the church of scientology.
Psychological therapy can surely be very effective and useful if you have a personal problem you can't overcome by yourself.



As for myself, I have really nothing to complain about. I get sad/emotional from time to time of course, but I don't consider it bad to feel that way every now and then; I'm not depressed.

I could've typed that post, word for word. :)

Kitarii 2007-02-17 20:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by LBAWinOwns (Post 305376)
We humans are superior over our thoughts and feelings, feeling depressed is absurd.

You see what I mean? Not? Ok ask yourself this:

"Why do you get offended when someone offend you?"

Well. Actually it's because from childhood, school, parents, religion and so on have taught that swearing is wrong. Also, everyone around you also react negative to swearing and such.

So if you feel depressed. Just don't. If you hunger for love, don't.

Don't let small things ruin your day, you should be more robust than that.



Just a last warning, before you take the very last step that will perhaps forever ruin your life:

Don't take drugs and shit of course, but not only that. Stay away from psychologists. They don't get paid to cure you in one day, they get paid for making you feel temporarily good, and making things worse so you stay at their place and continue to pay them!!! They give no fuck in you really.

And don't say their are good psychologists, since then they would just get bankrupted and can't compete in a freedom of competition.

That's a very cold outlook on life, LBAWO!

I see there is a lot of logic in what you're saying, but I think I've developed my own taste in what is right and wrong. For example, my parents don't let me swear at home, but I don't see why not, it's just a few select words that have been deemed "rude". I'll use them just like any other words when talking with friends.

Some people are weak-minded, however, and very easily influenced by what people say. So while I see where you're coming from, and actually agree with a lot of it (even though it doesn't sound like it), I don't think you can generalise, saying all people are the same like that.

Echomote 2007-02-17 20:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by LBAWinOwns (Post 305376)
We humans are superior over our thoughts and feelings, feeling depressed is absurd.

You see what I mean? Not? Ok ask yourself this:

"Why do you get offended when someone offend you?"

Well. Actually it's because from childhood, school, parents, religion and so on have taught that swearing is wrong. Also, everyone around you also react negative to swearing and such.

So if you feel depressed. Just don't. If you hunger for love, don't.

Don't let small things ruin your day, you should be more robust than that.

^ smartest thing he's ever said!
(that I've read)

Axx 2007-02-18 01:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Double-J (Post 305332)
Anyone else ever just feel really depressed? I mean, I don't feel clinically depressed, but I'm a bit down lately, you know?

I think the first thing is that I haven't really had a serious girlfriend in ages. I had a few girls in mind over the past few semesters...one I was doing quite well with, but she broke up with her boyfriend and went to a different school, I haven't heard from her since (and she got a new cellphone # which I don't know). Another was a girl I'm still very interested in, but she's got a boyfriend, but very intellectual and smart. Again though, boyfriend. Finally, the blonde I'd been obsessing over for years, was graduating from Uni a semester early, and we hadn't seen each other in a bit. She asked me to dinner and such, we had the date planned and everything, and then randomly she went home and I haven't heard from her since. Cunt. My biggest thing is that I've never really had a serious girlfriend, and I realize I'm not a Don Juan or an attractive fellow, but I hate seeing such jerks with these nice girls. It doesn't seem fair. Sour grapes or not.

Then, my Uni and career stuff is all a bit confusing right now. My current Uni is one of the schools I applied to for my PhD. stuff, but they turned me down (did accept me to MA program though...). Haven't heard from other schools yet. Also applied to education schools, haven't heard from them yet either. On one hand, a PhD. would be really cool, write my own books and such, but the crappy pay and the frequent moving and lack of funding make it undesirable. Similarly, teaching is great, I love it, but the education schools are fucking retarded with the courses they make you take...not hard, but just insanely retarded...so it's a crossroads I guess. I like to have everything in order, very organized, and right now, it's all up in the air.

School right now is destroying my testicles. I want so badly to work on my book (which has to be finished in the next few months) but I've got other classes that all require long research papers as well, so my time is basically zero. No time for the Prequel either.

Then, I've got to get a bit of oral surgery to fix a wisdom tooth that is fucking retarded. Cheers.

I really shouldn't complain...I've got my health, my family, my friends, etc., so I don't like to bitch. I've really been blessed. I just needed to vent.

Any thoughts would be most appreciated.

-JJ

Shit hits the fan at times, in our modern world there is a constant pressure to keep aiming and reaching higher and higher levels of achievement in every aspect of our lives.

JJ the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. From what you say it seems more like your depending on the idea of having a partner to alleviate your depression.

One thing worth noting that they do teach in cognitive therapy, all other humans lack the capacity to make you happy, sad, or alter your current state of mind through their words. Its how YOU react to what they say that can make you happy or sad. don't believe for a second that having a girlfriend will automatically bring you back up, it may do for the honeymoon period but after your used to each other things will change.

Actually having a girlfriend imho can result in sooo many complex problems, in a way you loose your "freedom". I had breakup with a girl last year that was so bad it resulted in me getting temporarily clinically depressed, but thats normal, we all do, how we deal with it is different. I look back and while i still think she's a bitch (:D) i laugh about it (and about where she ended up). I think all the hassle with the girlfriend system drove me to getting married ironically, but then again im the type of guy that makes long term commitments, and this was a plan for a while.

Regarding your PhD, just keep trying, why are you in a rush to begin research for a PhD? Your young, get some industry experience then go back. Live your life, make some money, then jump back. PhD can seriously fuck up your life at this age, the hours of research arnt funny. I trust you spoke to people who are doing PhD's to see how their lives have become?

If you DO suffer from clinical depression, maybe you should feel comfortable enough to talk about it. Keeping it in will only result in it becoming worse. I see a hint or a two in what you say that you do suffer from what may be a temporary state of depression, its normal and could even be healthy, remember that 1 in 4 people suffers from some form of depression/anxiety disorder.

edit - Chaos dosnt want my sympathy, so he gets none ^^

Quote:

We humans are superior over our thoughts and feelings, feeling depressed is absurd.

You see what I mean? Not? Ok ask yourself this:

"Why do you get offended when someone offend you?"

Well. Actually it's because from childhood, school, parents, religion and so on have taught that swearing is wrong. Also, everyone around you also react negative to swearing and such.

So if you feel depressed. Just don't. If you hunger for love, don't.

Don't let small things ruin your day, you should be more robust than that.
Your not a trained professional, nor do you understand the root causes of depression. The human mind is a complex network of chemicals, one chemical known as serotin when secreted can result in us being happy, depressed, anxious etc.... Sometimes it does secret hormones/chemicals in excess levels, and even though everything may be perfect in ones life he may still be depressed and may be confused as to what it is that is causing it so pinpoints a number of elements that may in reality not contribute to his/her current state of mind.

johnnybrubacker 2007-02-18 01:28

I get down but then I try to convince myself that University is not representative of the whole world. While I've been at University, especially in the first year, I didn't really go out and make the effort to make friends. This has meant that I have not made many close friends at University. Although, I have a few good friends, they are social animals and have other friends they mostly hang around with. I also don't go to nightclubs because I am scared that I will be alone and just standing there listening to other people's conversations (I don't drink).

Also this year of University, I've stopped studying so much, I don't know how I'm getting through but I really need to make an effort. My spelling also seems to be deteirorating as a result. . I am having a quarter life crisis but I am not going to give up, but I am trying to stay positive and move ahead of this phase.

Jasiek 2007-02-18 01:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnnybrubacker (Post 305437)
I am scared that I will be alone and just standing there listening to other people's conversations (I don't drink).

You know, I was like that too, and I was telling myself that I don't drink, becouse I don't like alcohol. And you know what? It's all bullshit, I never actually drank probably out of fear of how will it be, or how will I be, or some stupid moral principles, that shouldn't even be there, becouse they lead you to nothing. I find it easier to have a good conversation, and you live only once, everything is for the people just don't over-overdo. And besides, you wake up in the morning and all is forgiven ;) Only the memory of having great fun remains.

johnnybrubacker 2007-02-18 01:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasiek (Post 305441)
You know, I was like that too, and I was telling myself that I don't drink, becouse I don't like alcohol. And you know what? It's all bullshit, I never actually drank probably out of fear, or some stupid moral principles. And I'm still a kind of a non drinker, becouse I don't feel an urge to drink something just for the sake of drinking, but well it's fun with some friends - you just have to know your limits and remember that everything is for the people, in resonable amounts.

I don't drink because of health reasons, I go to gym regularly so it would just ruin the good that does:sad:

Jasiek 2007-02-18 01:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnnybrubacker (Post 305443)
I don't drink because of health reasons, I go to gym regularly so it would just ruin the good that does:sad:

Is the gym the only reason? Bah, I don't mean drink like to have a dozen beers every day, now and then in a little while - it's all in good fun.
Well, if you do have some health reason, I'm sure the people you know, and are with will understand that - besides it's also fun to observe the funny stuff people do when drunk/semi-drunk.

johnnybrubacker 2007-02-18 01:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasiek (Post 305448)
Is the gym the only reason? Bah, I don't mean drink like to have a dozen beers every day, now and then in a little while - it's all in good fun.
Well, if you do have some health reason, I'm sure the people you know, and are with will understand that - besides it's also fun to observe the funny stuff people do when drunk/semi-drunk.

I used to get drink moderately/get drunk in the past but I didn't really like the feeling to be honest, plus I was getting fat, put me off drinking for life I guess:D And yeah, its funny to see ppl doing drunk stuff.

LBAWinOwns 2007-02-18 02:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axx
Your not a trained professional, nor do you understand the root causes of depression. The human mind is a complex network of chemicals, one chemical known as serotin when secreted can result in us being happy, depressed, anxious etc.... Sometimes it does secret hormones/chemicals in excess levels, and even though everything may be perfect in ones life he may still be depressed and may be confused as to what it is that is causing it so pinpoints a number of elements that may in reality not contribute to his/her current state of mind.

hmm.... the first part sounds very logical, I can agree that it is true.

Yet, I doubt that it is very frequent, that many people (that are in well health) experience depression due to no reason.

If you say it is so, can you please say why we need it? Since evolution basically says that most things we have, have a reason for it.

But as you mentioned, and I not at all can oppose to, I'm no trained professional. Yet the most knowing of our brain hardly know anything I've heard. I mean in the way, that we are very far away from knowing all about out brain. And the part of alter our feelings I guess is very hard to understand.

ChaosFish 2007-02-18 02:28

No offense, but Axx, I don't give a **** about what you honestly believe, and I didn't ask for anyone's advice, so spare me. Although thanks Jasiek for the normal non patronized reply, you actually made some good points.

*ignores some annoying stuff*

LBAWinOwns (how do you come up with a nickname to this? Elbiowns? Elbi? Winownz? n/m...): I couldn't ignore your post, it was just so... provocative. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't actually mean all that, did you? I hope you didn't, because it doesn't make any sense.

Put it in a simple way:

>-|-o (?) ->.->.->.->.-> ♥♫☺

What are your motives in life? To be happy, right? Something tells me that with that attitude you won't get anywhere near your motive to be happy.
"Ignoring feelings" is impossible because feelings is exactly what drives you to do whatever it is you're doing in the first place. So if you try to ignore your feelings you'll find out you don't have a reason to do anything, and even if you do have a "long term plan", trying to be a "tough guy" about it will probably wear you out, depends on what kind of person you are. Psychologists are people who chose psychology as a career. Some of them are idiots, others are actually good people who truly want to help (yep, such thing exists, really!). They take your money because they need to make a living, and some of them actually deserve the money.
It's like saying "all doctors are crooks!". I would agree that most doctors I know are annoying uncaring people, but there are some more special ones.

"We humans" are HUMANS, that's what separates us from robots. Robots are programmed to do their task, they won't have feelings to interrupt them from doing their tasks, but they also won't accomplish anything for themselves by doing their task. They are a tool.

All you depressed people - HAPPY! :D (there's something disturbing about this smiley...)

Kitarii 2007-02-18 02:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaosFish (Post 305456)
All you depressed people - HAPPY! :D (there's something disturbing about this smiley...)

It certainly is a little frightening.

I don't think anyone was being patronising, I definately wasn't but I think you don't mean me as I didn't really address anything you said specifically.

Also, I think, LBAWO is about as short as you can make it. :p

Jasiek 2007-02-18 02:45

That is the face you make, when you're standing in an elevator with a random person, and you say ":D I'm wearing clean socks today :D".

ChaosFish 2007-02-18 02:48

I wasn't saying anyone else was being patronizing, just that dude who firmly honestly believes in some stuff he has nothing to do with.

Anyway, HAPPY :D

Echomote 2007-02-18 03:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaosFish (Post 305456)

LBAWinOwns (how do you come up with a nickname to this? Elbiowns? Elbi? Winownz? n/m...)

although you "n/m"'d it, I have to say.. it means "LBAWin Owns" :rolleyes:
and by the way, making posts about how depressing your life is probably makes you feel worse (I know it would make me feel worse, which is why I'm not sharing), so maybe this thread should end?

LBAWinOwns 2007-02-18 04:14

Chaosfish - Manny suits me fine. (quote from Grim Fandango for the unenlightened), LBAWO or simply LWO.

Please, feel free to say "I don't trust you", but don't say "you are wrong" unless you at least tried it, or can almost prove it any way.

I think I already really made my point clear enough (or maybe I'm just to tired -.- ), saying more will probably just start a flame war...

Also, a side note from my life, which you might see as awkward. When the school "bullies" calls me nerd I just laugh with them, I find it really fun in fact.

Edit: I hope you did not misunderstood me chaosfish, I mean that you should ignore the bad feelings, not the ones making you happy ;)


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