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Old 2003-02-28, 01:12
CS2x's Avatar
CS2x CS2x is offline
master of electronica
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,983
Good, it's longer and more expansive then your other stories.

Still, I think you could benefit from having less ideas, and more detail on fewer ideas. You change scene, or ideas, too quickly for my liking.

Try to be more descriptivr too.

anyway, thanks for contributing.
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