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Old 2003-02-28, 19:06
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Cloneguy Cloneguy is offline
Le dictateur
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: les Headquarters
Posts: 1,060
am I crazy, or is this just the story of LBA2? it isn't a fanfic if it is copied from the game. This may be intended as a prologue, but it just tells us what happens in the beginning of the game, and some things we are told about later on in the game

It doesn't read as a story, you are just summing up events. Try to be more descriptive, to tell more about certain pieces and to add dialogue.

Your imagination may be ahead of what you are telling, but this way it does not look like a representation of what you imagined, just as a brief synopsis of the facts your imagination came up with.

Sorry to say so, but I think it is unoriginal and boring.
keep on practising
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