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  #1  
Old 2013-12-11, 14:10
ras maxim ras maxim is offline
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Funfrock Twinsen's trial

Crowds of different spiecies gathered on the Otringal Square around the tribune. Twinsen, beaten up and tied, sat in a small cage below the cathedral, guarded by three Housars. An Esmer man with a curved wooden staff, dressed in black robes, stood behind the lectern in the front of them, speaking into the microphone.

—People of Zeelich! Today, we are gathered here to hold a trial against an interstellar terrorist and murderer - Twinsen, a quetch form the planet Twinsun. Sadly, our beloved Emperor was murdered by this scoundrel, that is why the trial is led by Esmer rightfull ruler, her great Majesty Empress of Zeelich.

An Esmer woman in crape ascended the cathedral.
—Dear citizens and visitors of the planet! The evil that this pitiful dog did to our home is tremendous. By killing my husband Twinsen already deserves death penalty. But I want all of you to speak up and tell us all the sins that he did to you. Maybe it will awake the voice of conscience and make the little bastard at least tiny bit ashamed...

—Let me be the first, — a big, hedgehog-like Wannie preacher said, rising on the cathedral. — When Twinsen and his evil accomplice Jerome Baldino (sadly, our soldiers were not able to catch him alive) took off from the Celebration Island, the statue of our honoured Dark Monk shattered to pieces, and the island was engulfed by the giant flow of lava! Then the island disappeared, as it never was here. Luckily, I was in a boat near the island, but my fellow monks were all killed by the fire and drowned... It was ceremony time. None of the tourist survived either. And I lost my buisness! I can no longer preach. We can't sell souvenirs. I know, it was in the prophecy, but it should have been fulfilled by Dark Monk! And this alien from other planet came here and killed our great spiritual leader. I think it is his greatest sin!

The next speaker was the Mosquibee Queen. She flew in front of the lectern and started to speak in a buzzy voice:
— I can't even estimate the harm this beat did to our Mosquibee race. When the planet's gas turned into water, our royal beehives were flooded and destroyed. I was on Twinsun with my servants at this moment. But our children, our soldiers and our citizens - they all were drowned... Death to the vermin!

Wannie Elder joined the Queen's speech.
— Our humble settlement was destroyed, too. Some of our young males, working on the surface, managed to escape, but the village is all dead.

A sausidge-like Franco took the word next.
— I am the owner of the gasogem factory. With the destruction of the undergas we lost easy access to gasogems. The planet will face the energy crisis if we don't find another source of fuel. That is already is a catastrophe! But workers of my factory are all murdered by this foul scumbag Twinsun. I also heard that he molested children in the Francos kindergarten...

Another Franco in a science suit joined the hearing.
— What we heard is awful, of course. but I want also add that the destruction of gas sea and its unique ecosystem killed our Zeelichian fauna: flying dragons and walruses. We will miss them.

A big crocodile cilmbed on the cathedral.
— I know that of all crimes that this bastard did it might be the smallest. Still, I want you to listen to me. I am the owner of the casino. Twinsen tried to cheat, then he has beaten my brother and me and stole almost all casino cash. He also has beaten our singers during the concert!

Casino owner left the cathedral and the Empress returned to announce the verdict.
— Before I decide your fate... suspect, do you have something to say in your exuse?
A Housar unlocked the cage and untaped Twinsen's mouth.
— But there's green trees... leaves and stuff... waterfalls...
— Enough! — Empess interrupted him. — What you have done, cannot be justified. Taking into account that you were a major criminal and an escaped convict on your home planet as well as on Zeelich, I will judge you as a reconvicted felon. I found you guilty of murder, theft, fraud, breaking and entering, serious bodily assault, hijacking of aircraft, forcible overthrow of regime, child abuse, animal rape and espionnage. I sentence you to the execution that is traditional for this set of crimes - death through anal rape!

The crowd started to roar.
—Now, I order you, my people, — said the Empress, — those of you who have your natural instruments of rape, get them ready! For those who don't — take these ritual sticks! Take your place in line, let the execution begin!

The creatures arranged in a line and started to rape Twinsen in his anus, one by one. He was already dead in the first quarter of the queque, but the execution lasted untill the sunset. The people of Zeelich was redeemed!

After that Empress ordered to send an atomic bomb to destroy the evil planet Twinsun, the birthplace of galactic criminals, to make this corner of universe a peacefull place once again.
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  #2  
Old 2013-12-11, 15:50
ras maxim ras maxim is offline
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Feel free to point out any mistakes, including lexical and stylistical.
P.S. Forgot to mention that Twinsen's remains were fed to dogs.
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  #3  
Old 2013-12-11, 19:04
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Rom Rom is offline
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Thanks i enjoyed it...except the end.
Why the $ù:! do you need to bring rape into a otherwise nice and LBA-plausible fiction ?
I would have liked to read how Baldino arrive and get Twisen out of this staged trial (before any mention of under-the-belt torture)
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  #4  
Old 2013-12-11, 19:44
ras maxim ras maxim is offline
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Thanks for enjoying my writing. Well, I think that Twinsen deserves punishment for what he has done with Zeelich after all. "Renovation" of Zeelich has brought the planet to the stone age and wiped out 2 major spiecies. And Jerome Baldino didn't survive in my story, sorry.
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  #5  
Old 2013-12-11, 23:11
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marcosmapf marcosmapf is offline
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Wait, what?
The story was very cool, nice job with it! But what about the rape part? You transformed a great story into just another troll-ish one, lol.
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  #6  
Old 2013-12-12, 01:05
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Somehow no-one likes the anal rape punishment
Same with me I'm afraid, you could've found some sort of traditional disgusting zeelichian way of killing in the name of justice that we would have found horrible, yet natural.

Awesome text though
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  #7  
Old 2013-12-12, 09:14
ras maxim ras maxim is offline
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Thank you for reading! O.K., let's change the execution part. Can you help me to replace it with something more apropriate? There is no lava anymore, so they can't throw Twinsen in it. Maybe he was just beaten to death with clubs???
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  #8  
Old 2013-12-12, 19:08
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Whiteleafdesert Whiteleafdesert is offline
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Thumbs Up

Thanks.
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  #9  
Old 2013-12-12, 23:03
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Zee Zee is offline
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Hmmm... maybe they shouldn't have killed Twinsen at all.

If they really wanted a horrible punishment for him, they couldve kept him alive and made him watch as they blew up Twinsun. Then they couldve forced Twinsen into slavery for the rest of his life, (making him search for alternative fuel sources, paying back all the money he stole from the casinos, etc...) pretty much making him "fix" everything he screwed up, until he dies of natural causes (unless the Zeelichians invent a way to keep him alive and working his debts off for all eternity.)

This would be way worse than just being raped till death.
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  #10  
Old 2013-12-12, 23:59
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You are hardcore, girl...
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  #11  
Old 2013-12-15, 04:56
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Streg Streg is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zee View Post
Hmmm... maybe they shouldn't have killed Twinsen at all.

If they really wanted a horrible punishment for him, they couldve kept him alive and made him watch as they blew up Twinsun. Then they couldve forced Twinsen into slavery for the rest of his life, (making him search for alternative fuel sources, paying back all the money he stole from the casinos, etc...) pretty much making him "fix" everything he screwed up, until he dies of natural causes (unless the Zeelichians invent a way to keep him alive and working his debts off for all eternity.)

This would be way worse than just being raped till death.
if you ever become president/queen/dictator of a land, I'll make sure to never, ever getting close to it. NEVER.
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  #12  
Old 2013-12-15, 07:18
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Zee Zee is offline
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Originally Posted by Streg View Post
if you ever become president/queen/dictator of a land, I'll make sure to never, ever getting close to it. NEVER.
What's funny though... is that I'm actually one of the most affectionate, caring, and loving people you could ever meet... as long as you dont hurt me.
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  #13  
Old 2013-12-16, 02:07
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yeah, i can relate
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