Go Back   the Magicball Network > Forums > MBN Main Forums > Off topic
Buy LBA1/Relentless from GOG.com Buy LBA1/Relentless from DotEmu Buy LBA2/Twinsen's Odyssey from DotEmu Buy LBA2/Twinsen's Odyssey from GOG.com Buy Little big Adventure from GOG.com or DotEmu Buy Little big Adventure 2 from DotEmu or GOG.com

Welcome to the Magicball Network.

You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Off topic General off-topic chat goes in here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 2013-07-20, 17:46
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
This is for you Jessica

Please excuse me if this is not the place. But I need to vent some...

Where are you
My precious pearl gone
What have you done
Nothing's like tomorrow
You changed my world
Are you aware of my sorrow

Valuable treasure
Timeless pleasure
Experience true
Explaining due
Nothing more to give
Rests nothing to live

Your image is forever given away
While your love drowns me at bay
I miss your tenderly touch
That visualizes me true happyness
And awoke me comforted much

Never more will I watch the stars with you
Or together float to eternal blossom view
Lets make love under the sunbeam
The moments we laid on the grass
It now just seems a beautiful dream

For weeks half a poem was chasing me
Until I could finish it promised be
Words constantly fail me short
My feelings refrain to be expressed
And writer's hands are in resort

Finding you
Blinding view
Giving you all
Together in nightfall
Eternally gone
The future withdrawn

Your gorgious eyes reflect my desire
In your gaze I'm caught in eternal fire
Your own love illuminates me blindly
Guides me underneath the dark moon
And shines on my loneliness kindly

If I could only catch you again in my arms
And let my lips answer to your charms
While we possess eachother forgetting the day
Desiring an ever lasting moment
And unwillingly never fall astray

Without you I'd imagine life as black
Everyday requires me to call you back
But every machine is of your voice exhaust
Ignorance doesn't let me believe
That you're now forever lost
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2013-07-20, 17:46
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
A lot of years ago, I met someone. We've been together for over a decade, and nothing could get between us, we were so in love, nothing could split us apart. So many plans, joy, comfort. We were exactly the same thing, she understood me completely and stood by me and vice versa. I always imagined it would last forever.

Something happened, and I never recovered. It changed me. It changed the meaning of my life, the way I would behave, the way I help people, my humour. Ever since then I'm a changed man. I simply lost my grip on things, I lost myself to her. Now that she's gone, I can never get that feeling back again. I feel like I'm broken, incapable of being myself, like I used to.

But this is all way back, years ago. It took me a huge time to get over this the best I can. It's why my activity on this board only continued just recently last year; I had to take time from the board that reminded me of her. She's ever still a huge gap in my heart, but I think I can live with this now. It's possible this explains something for the more recent active members, why I've been behaving why I have. I feel bad, because I'm responsible for myself and I took decisions. But know that I only did what I could, and I simply wasn't half the man I was before.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.

Last edited by J McKalling; 2013-07-20 at 18:11.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2013-07-20, 18:07
marcosmapf's Avatar
marcosmapf marcosmapf is offline
Magic Ball Master
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brazil
Posts: 1,371
Wow, you're realy good with poems...
Although It is realy sad, probably for 'reasons'... lets hope you are ok =/
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2013-07-20, 18:12
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
Aye, thanks.
This is all very hard for me to say, as it's still very painful to think about. But she's gone, and I have to move on. I still mourn for her.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2013-07-20, 18:19
Reek's Avatar
Reek Reek is offline
Party animal
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: israel
Posts: 9,475
Send a message via ICQ to Reek Send a message via MSN to Reek
If I may ask, how did you meet Jessica?
And did she pass away or did you two just break up?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceGuitarist
there's no room for subtleties, which are so important in personalities such as mine.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2013-07-20, 18:23
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
I met her for the first time on a meeting set up from a forum much like this one.
She attempted to take her own life, and I got there too late.

Right before it happened she had sent me a video message in which she cried to me so much. I just knew what it meant, what she was trying to say, and I hasted over to her as fast as I could, but I was already too late, she already jumped.
I just didn't understand how it could have happened, and I took the blame on me ever since then.

It's why I always want peace between all of us. Why I want to help people.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.

Last edited by J McKalling; 2013-07-20 at 18:29.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2013-07-20, 20:41
marcosmapf's Avatar
marcosmapf marcosmapf is offline
Magic Ball Master
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brazil
Posts: 1,371
Wow, that is... beyond sad :/
Don't take the blame on something you didn't do. Just because you couldn't help her enough it means that you are guilty of it. I'm sure that she wouldn't want you to blame yourself for it, as it seems you two liked each other a lot. Maybe you even prevented her from doing that earlier...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2013-07-20, 21:00
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
Thanks, you don't know what that means to me..

Well I guess I'm letting go of the blame now, as I've held off talking about Jess so far. I just want to, thank her, for what she gave me. I denied it at first, but I do see there's a reason behind everything, regardless of whatever that is. One thing I have to be grateful of, is that Jessica made me 300% stronger and richer.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2013-07-20, 21:39
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
A few weeks after, I received that video message, I wrote a poem for her.
It's my message to her, how I liked to convince her how to think about life, after she had gone. I've always wanted to give this to her.

Quote:
How do I see the world?
The world...
The world is like a memory
You get one,
You enjoy its pleasure,
But then it's gone again

The world...
I see the world as a drop of water
It falls,
Splashes you,
And is gone again

The world is like the turning of the clock's hands
First they say it's early,
You experience your day,
Then it's late again

The world's like a human life
You are born
You live
You die

The world creates you
The world brings you luck
The world brings you misery
The world takes you again

That's how I think of the world
The world is transient life
Everything that has a beginning,
Also has an end

Life
Life can be short
Life can be unhappy
But it doesn't have to be

Life can give bad luck
Life can give sorrow
But it can also give happyness

Life is short
Life is fragile
Life is precious

So enjoy,
Happyness,
Take,
Give,
Live.
I've got so many more poems, but it's useless, I can't give them to her.
I wish she could come back once, so that I could tell her all the things that I should have said, fix my mistakes, and apologise.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 2013-07-20, 23:46
Reek's Avatar
Reek Reek is offline
Party animal
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: israel
Posts: 9,475
Send a message via ICQ to Reek Send a message via MSN to Reek
sorry to hear about that jack, that's awful indeed.
but as marcosmapf said it's really not your fault. somethings are just beyond our control.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceGuitarist
there's no room for subtleties, which are so important in personalities such as mine.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 2013-07-21, 00:24
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
I know you're right, but it just doesn't feel that way.
I may not have pushed her or anything, but couldn't I have prevented her from jumping altogether? It's just a tiny little voice now, in the back of my head, a pain that reminds me of what I need to remember.

Fortunately, rest assured, that I'm not troubled anymore. I'm stronger now, and I see that I simply need to move on and keep helping people. If I keep writing poems, they may help me translate my emotions into helpful words for the ones who still need them.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 2013-07-21, 03:46
Streg's Avatar
Streg Streg is offline
Or Emi (was StreGGy)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Naples, Italy (Citadel Island)
Posts: 5,430
Send a message via MSN to Streg
What the hell man... that's sad... I don't know any adjective that's more appropriate.

As others said, You're not to blame. But what you feel and what you wrote in your poem make you a wonderful person. Be strong
__________________
YouTube channel:
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 2013-07-21, 03:54
SpaceGuitarist's Avatar
SpaceGuitarist SpaceGuitarist is offline
the legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Brasil
Posts: 6,997
To my knowledge, and without any wish to offend any religious belief you might have or enter into a mystical discussion, rest assured that she does have the possibility of reading what you write to her.
__________________

Polaris: "And what is a guitar doing in the middle of an asteroïd anyway?"
sgk: Think of it this way: it's like a message in a bottle. In our world, we put a message inside a bottle to protect it while it travels through the oceans to reach some other island. In other worlds, they put a message inside an asteroid to protect it while it travels through space to reach some other planet. In this case it is a gift, a guitar, rather than just a message.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 2013-07-21, 11:45
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
Thanks guys, you're great.

I've always known there's something beyond life though, it's part of my religion to believe death is just part of it. Following that, Jessica is the reason why I said that I'm using an alias.

Now you know.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 2013-07-22, 10:19
Polaris's Avatar
Polaris Polaris is offline
Polly parrot
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tippett Island
Posts: 5,846
I can't add much to what has been said... Keep your head up, man
__________________
<((((((((((((([[[========================]]])))))))))))))>
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 2013-07-22, 20:49
J McKalling's Avatar
J McKalling J McKalling is offline
Magic Ball GrandMaster
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Dreamland
Posts: 2,833
Actually, I haven't been completely honest..
I think I could have saved her.

Jessica had an illness, that she kept a secret from everyone but me. I think I'm not allowed to say which one. Our relation had nothing to do with this illness, but I did offer all of my support, help and comfort for it. I wanted to cure her from it, I wanted to get rid of it, so she could be healthy once more and be her lovely self again she once was. I kept giving advice and support, but it seemed to have little effect. I kept giving and giving, and at some point I just lost my faith. Somehow I convinced myself I couldn't do it, couldn't help her, couldn't carry the weight of support any longer, and she felt that.

She did have destructive periods before I met her, in fact it had troubled her for a very long time. She couldn't talk to anyone, and if she tried no one believed or supported her. I meant a huge deal to her. In return, she gave me her support as well, for I have my own issues too. When I watched the video message she sent me, I instantly knew what I had done.

I should have been stronger, and should have kept supporting her. I could have done more, given more support, more advice, I could have ended that circle of destruction, and prevented her from ending it like this.


Well, after all these years, I did have given it a lot of thought. A lot happened afterwards, I even got my own period of destruction, got at the same point she was. I had lost everything, lost my support, my friend, my precious love. At some point, something snapped inside of me. I just couldn't handle it any more, and at that point everything changed. I lost all of my fears, nothing mattered any more, nothing could harm me any more, and I suddenly gained abilities, that I never had before. Jessica had made me so much stronger. I now only have one sole goal, and that is to help people, to prevent this from happening ever again. I can do it now, I musn't fail.
__________________
Quote:
Visit the Twinsuniverse to find everything about the LBA universe!

Threads: News, Introduction, Discussion, Bugs collection || Content: Characters, Enemies, Items
Words come in all sizes. But even if they fit you,
they might not come at appropriate times.

Good for everyone is finding yourself first,
and then the good in others second.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
jessica, poem

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 15:14.




News Feed
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, the Magicball Network