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  #1  
Old 2002-12-11, 11:12
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Evil-Twinsen Evil-Twinsen is offline
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A little bit about the army, and a brand new piece!

Hey, people... I was recruited to the army last Monday, as you all know. As you can see, I'm back home again...

I'm afraid so far I only have bad news. Bad, yet optimistic.
The conditions there are lousy beyond belief... I almost got myself killed there and didn't get any medical treatment for over a day.

So here's the full story if you got the time to listen to it -

I didn't get injured in a battle or anything... Just some accedent in which I injured my leg pretty bad... After a few hours of hardly being able to walk, and really awful pains, I FINALLY convinced one of the commanding officers ther to escort me to a clinic. I got really bad treatment from the nurse there, who made my condition much worse... My leg was all swollen up pretty bad and I got this serious infection there... Those people at rookie camp are idiots...
Anyway, after a while I couldn't even feel my right leg anymore. It got really bad, and no one there cared. They made me walk around on one leg with no treatment. I almost got sent to jail for screaming at the high commander there that I need urgent medical treatment... By the time they finally agreed to let me see a GOOD doctor (after being tossed around a few times) to fix what that stupid nurse did to me, my temperture was real high (around 40) and I started to get dizzy and sick, and my leg was totally numb, I couldn't feel it, let alone walk on it... So I asked them to assign me 2 guyz to carry me over to the clinic, and that @#%ED UP son of a bitch of a commander said that was my problem, and I had to walk on one leg all the way to the clinic... The people from my unit were the only ones who really helped me through that day and a half, but they weren't around, and the rest of the people there didn't care much to help me... Makes sense, you know, if the commanders there don't give a shit, why would the other rookies give a shit?... Anyway I finally made it to the clinic, real exauhsted and bruised, and then they told me I'll have to wait another hour and a half, cause they're taking a break... I really got pissed off and started screaming at them that I'm not gonna wait another second, and luckily the nurse there (who I get a feeling had a crush on me, but that's a different story altogether...) was really nice and agreed to let me in... That's where they saw how badly my leg has become, and that was when I found out that the nurse from yesterday treated me all wrong - she put the wrong medicines and ointments, and for some reason put an elastic bandage on my leg, which only caused me much more pain...
Anyway, long story short (though it's already pretty long), they told me I gotta stay a few more days there in the camp, I once again started screaming at them, telling them I dont' give a shit about what they're saying, and that they better send me to my home for the rest of the week "or else" (though really there was nothing I could actually do to them if they didn't...), and eventually they agreed... I'm gonna spend the rest of the week at home.
God, and this doesn't cover 10% of what I've been through in that 1.5 day in rookie camp... You got no idea what goes on there... It's a madhouse.
You have no idea how glad I was coming back home... After sleeping under a tent that hardly let any of the hard rain out, with no coat or blanket or anything, and a swollen leg... Was pretty bad. But I'm optimistic, I'm gonna spend the rest of the week trying to find a way for them to give me a decent job, and lower my profile from 72 to 64, whcih basically means I don't have to serve in anything in the front lines.
Anyway I'm ok though, I don't let any of it affect me. All that it's tought me so far is that if I wanna get what I want there, I have to make a fuss...
Don't take it as though this says anything about the army in general... It doesn't. It just says that THIS specific army base is one SHITTY PLACE and I'd sue those sons of a bitches if I didn't know it's only gonna get me into trouble, and I don't need that right now.

Ooo, and when I came back I had the time to work a little more on this piece I started and was about to finish!

Rediculous, isn't it?

The name of the piece is also the name of the 16th episode of the 5th season of Babylon 5, a show that was a milestone in the history of television and writing.

I don't think any of you know this show, but if there's anyone who knows the show or this certain (amazing) episode of it, the main theme of the episode was the resembling personallities of Londo Mollari and Michael Garibaldy, and their tragical stories (as also shown very deeply in "Survivors", the 11th episode of the 1st season).

I didn't think of the show while writing this music, but I think this music fits very much to the sad-agressive personallities of those 2 charachters.

If you know this show and are able to think of both those charachters and their stories while listening to the music, you are going to enjoy this a lot more than the others.

And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder
9 Instruments (By Order Of Appearence) -
Violin #1
Violin #2
Bass Strings
Bass Guitar
Drum Set
Electric Distortion Guitar
Vibraphone
Orchestra Strings


Give out your thoughts as usual, good or bad.
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Last edited by Evil-Twinsen; 2002-12-11 at 11:39.
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  #2  
Old 2002-12-11, 11:58
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That's pretty nasty, hold on Evyatar!

Going to listen when I got it,

But what happened to your leg exactly ?
-stupid nurses-.
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  #3  
Old 2002-12-11, 12:23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jesse
That's pretty nasty, hold on Evyatar!

Going to listen when I got it,

But what happened to your leg exactly ?
-stupid nurses-.
I got bruised up pretty badly all over my leg, and had some damage to the bone... which would've been ok if only I got any treatment... But I didn't get any treatment through the entire day, and was forced to walk on that leg through the whole day, and I was in really terrible pain... When I finally DID get some treatment, it was a wrong treatment... Eventually, when they finally took care of me, it was almost too late, I started having this infection there and now I'm on anti-biotics and infusion (though it's not inserted with needles, but being spread on cotton patches which are being laid on the injury, soaking the liquid in through the leg...).
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  #4  
Old 2002-12-11, 13:20
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Damn that sucks, well I hope you manage to get on going, or get to stay home for all the time

About the song:
I don't want to sound negative, when you're all hurt and stuff, but I wasn't to fond of it. The arrangement was going very well.
The problem is:
Listen around 2:12 and beyond, the violin is false, pretty much the whole time till later it gets better.
I recommend that you take someone with highly sensitive ears, to check on your songs. I have a false note now and then as well (the sky turns red, the piano), but we both seem not be able yet to cover this 100%

but keep on going, since you're able to make the start of dreamphoniac, march of the mosquibees and treason, you can do great stuff.

Ok, now back to the army topic:
You understand my dislike of the army?
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  #5  
Old 2002-12-11, 13:52
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jesse
Listen around 2:12 and beyond, the violin is false, pretty much the whole time till later it gets better.
I recommend that you take someone with highly sensitive ears, to check on your songs. I have a false note now and then as well (the sky turns red, the piano), but we both seem not be able yet to cover this 100%
Lots of the violins in this song are playing dissonances.
I so far found it pretty good, though I've listened to it a lot.
That's why I need someone who hasn't listenend to the song to tell me if there's anything that sounds false, and THEN I'll go check the notes at that specific place, and perhaps find out what I thought was ok, is actually false...
It's hard knowing what's false 'till you know what's right, especially after you've listened to the piece for so much time.

The main reason I post my music here, other than letting yo enjoy it, is to get a second opinion from someone who hasn't listened to it yet. For me, this song is awesome, cause I've gotten used to it.
I need your opinio in order to know what I need to do to make this a good-first-impression-song.

That, btw, is what professional artists do.
Even professional artists have a problem finding out the difference between "good dissonounces" and "bad dissonounces" in THEIR songs, cause they've gotten too used to it.


So don't think you're making me feel bad or anything... Getting a good reply is awesome, but I honestly like being informed of mistakes MUCH MUCH more... Cause it means my song can be better.

I'll have to know exactly which notes bothered you though, which is a problem to do through the net... But I'll sit down with someone and discuss this with him or her pretty soon...


About what you said about the army, well, I guess you weren't paying attention to what I said in this post...

Quote:
Don't take it as though this says anything about the army in general... It doesn't. It just says that THIS specific army base is one SHITTY PLACE.
I know of lots of bases which are much better, and lots of commanding staffs that are not at all like this. THIS is an abnormality.
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  #6  
Old 2002-12-11, 14:17
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ET, sorry to sound like an Army nut, but what sort of kit do you have? Have you been issued with weaponry, etc?

Kudos on the Babylon5 naming too.

Regards,
Morden
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  #7  
Old 2002-12-11, 15:47
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I read that I just thought it still did fit, ah well.

Maybe I got an authority problem, although I can live with it, in the army I wouldn't fit in.

About the song:
you're right when you're used to it. sometimes something is false on purpose. I asked a friend of mine, and he couldn't listen to it anymore because of the false notes, it's really around 2:14. If you really want to know what exactly bothered us (the one who helps me alot are my mom, teacher and a friend of mine who is 3 days in a week here) you can send a note schedule or something of 2:14 till 3:00, so I or him can check it on the piano, and tell you in detail.

About feeling bad/good:
The problem is, unasked critic can be really annoying, but I asume when you post it here. you want it.
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Old 2002-12-11, 16:54
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Man, thats shit... You should sue!
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Old 2002-12-11, 17:00
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Military sucks... I hope you won't get a combatant job, and you won't suffer more than you already did. I will be back in monday from a holiday with my family, than I'll listen to your piece (if I won't have the time to listen to it today).
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Old 2002-12-11, 18:41
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Oh god... that's... jeesh... what a nice start...

I'm sorry I didn't have the time to put up 'your thread' (if you get me)
Still want me to do that or are you going to do it yourself?


Going to listen to the piece right away
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Old 2002-12-11, 19:49
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SHITE! This is so fucking wrong that you have to face this. But on the other hand, the day it will be over (the army years) you will be fucking happy!
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Old 2002-12-11, 20:25
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WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO YOU!?!?!?

I really hope the situation will improve.

Since you don't think sueing them is a good idea, I would say you should write down what happens during your army life. Can come in handy one day.
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Old 2002-12-11, 21:30
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If I were you I'd hijack a tank and try to invade Tel Aviv in protest.
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  #14  
Old 2002-12-11, 22:26
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And die as a marture!!!!
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  #15  
Old 2002-12-12, 00:58
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And eat some yam!

(*miserably tries to go with the flow*)
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  #16  
Old 2002-12-12, 10:05
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Goddamnit, Jesse... I've been going over the piece OVER AND OVER from 2:00 to the end, and for the life of me I can't find any really false notes other than a few small known dissonances that don't last over half a second...

I'll admit, 2:14 is very strange-sounding, I planned it like that. I just took 0:29 to 0:38 and raised it up by half a tone, while making some other changes to make it sound "stranger"... But I can't find any serious false notes... That part in 2:14 could've been done better, I'll admit... But still I find it pretty ok. Just strange, as I wanted it...
Not to mention the rest of the song, which really seems false-note-free to me...
Maybe I HAVE been listening to it for way too long...
So far I have got 3 replies to this, your reply, some other guy who also told me it sounds good only there are too many false notes, and another guy who really loved it and didn't feel anything too wrong with it... All 3 of those guyz are people on whose opinion I can count, so I dunno...

I should sit down with someone and go over this again... Ugh, this is frustrating, I really just wanted to go back from the army, finish the last quiet minute of the song, and go to sleep
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Old 2002-12-12, 10:29
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Holy Cromboli!!

Those stupid bastards, i can't believe they're so iresponsible,
that must really suck.

I just imagined you screaming at the nurse..

!ROFLMAO!
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Old 2002-12-12, 10:32
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Wow, E-T, almost missed this thread. That place sounds terrible, sueing wouldn't help either If noone gives a shit about you there, take extra care of yourself.

And yes, about the music Finished downloading it, the starting it great, love the question and answer style of the violin and cello. ^_^ The drums which come in at 00:28 also sound good. At this point everything sounds 'in place' and is coming on well. At 00:56 I think you divert the tune slightly. From 1:01 onto 1:14 is sounds fine when the violen is accompanied by the cello. Ok at 2:14 I think you've tried to make all the notes the violin plays as a 'b flat' key signature. If the rest of your instruments are playing in a 'sharp' key signature, it's going to sound like a 'stranger' as you said. I think you should keep one or two of those notes as flats which actually suit it, I think the B note (the note below the higher C) would be fine. After that everything, imo, sound fine, especially places like 04:10 etc.

Btw, love the metal guitar that comes in briefly at 03:40 ^_^ I think it plays quitely through the beginning parts as well.

Yeah, E-t, overall I think it's a great piece, the only part you could concentrate on it 2:14, apart from that it's great, now go to sleep
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  #19  
Old 2002-12-12, 11:43
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ET:
Can you send a sort of Clear understandable note schedule? for every instrument?

-the way I can see what note which instrument is playing, at the same time as others -

I would not worry to much about the piece now, just get yourself healed ok ?

I'm not to good in hearing what notes you've played, so if you want me to help you (I offer, you'll have to ask ) I will need the notes, so I can suggest how to improve it
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Old 2002-12-12, 15:43
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Quote:
Originally posted by kaderoboy
Ok at 2:14 I think you've tried to make all the notes the violin plays as a 'b flat' key signature. If the rest of your instruments are playing in a 'sharp' key signature, it's going to sound like a 'stranger' as you said. I think you should keep one or two of those notes as flats which actually suit it, I think the B note (the note below the higher C) would be fine.
Ok I didn't get any of that.

mm
At 2:14 I lowered everything by half a tone, in 2:33 it comes back to normal again... 2:33 to 2:55 is an exact copy of 00:38 to 1:02, so you can't say the first part was ok but the second wasn't...

What exactly are ya suggesting me to do?...


Jesse - If I give you a midi of some of the instruments, would that be ok? You can read the notes from it with softwares such as my trusty old Notworthy... Just tell me which instruments you need. (read the instruments list in my first post).

And I'm taking care of myself, don't worry

Yesterday night I went to the local army hospital and screamed at them to let me stay home 'till Sunday. Surprisingly, it actually worked.
I think they're afraid of me or something
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Old 2002-12-12, 16:09
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You sure scream alot

I guess it's ok evyatar, but I will need noteworthy as well then, just do so, If I can just read which notes are played, I can play it on piano.
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Old 2002-12-12, 16:43
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Ok Jesse...
When I say I scream at them I mean more beign stubborn... They say "go home" I say "no way man", this goes on for a while, eventually they give up.
But back in the base I did scream at the nurse there, and earlier at the high commander... It was kinda scarry u know, everyone just looked at me and he was really shocked and told me "don't you dare screaming at me!" but really he couldn't do anything to me... I'm glad I went passed that alright.

nm now
Tell me which instruments u want me to put in...
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Old 2002-12-12, 23:12
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E-T> Sorry, I don' t know how else to explain this, but don't lower everything by half a tone, only do it to certain notes. One of the notes is called a B, I don't know if it makes sense, but it's the note just below the C on a piano.
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Old 2002-12-13, 00:18
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Et - O_o OMG /me is definitelly a pacifist.

BTW - you didnt tell it actually, how didd you manage to be hurt at the leg without battle ? You slept on the way of a tank column ? You forgot a grenade in your shoe ?
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Old 2002-12-13, 10:34
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heheh...
Nah, the injury itself was even before I got recruited... It was on Saturday morning when I played soccer with friends, but after a little while it didn't hrut anymore... And then, Monday morning when I got up and went over there, it started hrting a little bit so I thought I'll just go see a doctor when I get there... It wasn't that bad at first. But then they dragged me around for hours, and I had to walk on that injured leg and I just started hurting myself in the proccess... By the nd of the day I couldn't walk on it, and the next morning it was even much worse...
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