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  #1  
Old 2002-01-01, 09:36
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Lightbulb Idea for a storyline.

My idea kind of runs as this...

This idea evolves around the developement on a toy factory on the planet Twinsun. This factory would make toys out of simple things, like Penguins, or Clones and such.

But the company has a different aim! Stealing the magic of the Sendell's/Intersteller Entity in order to make super weapons/soldiers/clones/etc. . in order to take over Twinsun and or Zeelich for the head of the company's personal wishes.

The head of this toy company could be different possibilities, like FunFrock, seeking revenge or his desire to become a super power...

The Ex-Esmer/Zeelichian Emperor, also seeking revenge, or a new means to control his former planet.

Or someone new, seeking just to get power and glory. After all, the book of Bu says that violence, greed, avarice, etc . . harbors in the heart of all species of the universe.

That's just a basic. You could set the hero up to be Twinsen, one of his family, or someone completely new.

It's very underdeveloped, but I'd like to have some feed back on it.

Thank you!

~ Jonathan
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  #2  
Old 2002-01-01, 12:38
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Welcome to the board!
Your storyline looks promising. Wait until a fanfic writer (Atresica, Kieron) posts something. They know what to say.
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  #3  
Old 2002-01-01, 12:48
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Yo Blues, your story looks promising and it's just alpha.

The toy factory idea seems alright, but how will they be able to steal the Sendells' power, the same method Funfrock used (drilled to the core of Sendells' Well).
The idea of a whole new person seeking glory is good, Funfrock returning to a toy factory would seem a bit odd.

Keep on working on it, the story already looks as if it'll turn out great. Like HomerSimpson said, a regular fan-fic writer (like Atresica and Kieron)'ll know what to say.
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  #4  
Old 2002-01-01, 16:36
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Interesting Toy's meats LBA
Its kind of the opersite of what Funfrock was doing.
Funfrock took over Twinsun in order to gain the enitys power.
Here, you have someone trying to gain the enitys power in order to take over Twinsun.
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  #5  
Old 2002-01-01, 17:11
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I would think that once you possessed such power you would forget about Twinsun and focus on the rest of the universe...
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  #6  
Old 2002-01-01, 20:24
Atresica Atresica is offline
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This is the regular fanfic-idiot speaking

Before you read my comments, do know that I have absolutely no intention to make you look as a weak writer

There are some minor sites of this story
The most importand one is originality, someone wanting power is often used throughout games and fanfiction, You also have to give a good reason for them to do it. It's really easy to write about some nutcase that wants to take the planet over but it's far more diffeculd to find a good reason

It's not like "well they are doing it because they want absolute power", because than I wonder "why do they want it"
Try to come up with a reason that will interest the reader.

The idea of the Empire wanting to take revange is pretty interesting, but don't make him the main baddy. Make him one of those people who help the main villan because they want to use their power to archive their goal. What makes things even more interesting is to let the Empire be unsure about if he wants to continue helping the main villan or not (you know, the burden of knowing what will happen to other people if he helps the main villan might be very heavy)

You have to think as if you wish to write a story of simular quality as Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter (if you like that one ). You need to seek idea's and reasons for people doings that will impress people. I don't mind if you just make the main villan the devil in flesh, but make the rest of the story interesting, through some major plot shiftings in it. Try to make the story that way that the reader wouldn't know who is really trustworthy

Originality is very importand, you can work on the writing skills later.


If you need more information or idea's, just contact me through e-mail or ICQ, or just post it on the board.
It's always good to have another writer out here
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  #7  
Old 2002-01-01, 23:41
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Response...

Thanks, Mr. Atresica!

I'll take your ideas to heart, but do know that this is the first time I've ever considered doing such a fic on the LBA series. I took the idea of a Toy Factory because it's unique, and it seems like it'd make a good cover up for some diabolical plan.

There's different paths the story could take...

If I made FunFrock the main baddie of the story, then he could be seeking the power in order to destroy Twinsen, because he knows that his normal based strength isn't enough to take him out, as he has already failed two times in the past through the use of his personal clones.

FunFrock also has the ability to keep coming back as the main character through his cloning techniques. So, his motive can be revenge on Twinsen and his family... It could even be FunFrock's decendents!

If I'd involve the ex-Emperor, I'd most likely have to use him as a clone, since he pretty much bit the dust. I don't know...

A new person's motive could be greed and power. Maybe he (or she) wouldn't like the disorganization and lack of government on the planet(s). Perhaps they'd want to change all that through good intentions, and rule to shatter that disorganization. And from that, they lose their way and seek power to rule absolutely.

People tell me I'm a decent writer, but... I dunno. That's up for you guys to decide. It's starting out that's the hard part for me...

I'd also enjoy working with anyone to help make this fiction become a reality. If Atresica would be interested in this, I'd be more than happy to accept his help and guidence.

Other fiction I've written mostly followed the Breath of Fire series, ("Journey of the Dark Dragon", which envolves Teepo's activities throughout Breath of Fire 3) and the Rockman X series. ("Sigma's Absolution", "Repliroid of Nightmares: Syntax", a character I created...

Anyway. Take care and write back soon, friends!
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  #8  
Old 2002-01-02, 00:05
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Re: Response...

Quote:
Originally posted by Blues
idea of a Toy Factory because it's unique,
I hate to disapoint you...but its been used in a few things.
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  #9  
Old 2002-01-02, 00:31
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Re: Response...

Quote:
Originally posted by Blues
Mr. Atresica


Atresica is a she.

Anyways, I'm not very original: this idea looks promising.
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  #10  
Old 2002-01-02, 05:25
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I feel horrible!

MS. Atresica... I'm terribly sorry.

Sigh.. Perhaps I should let someone else take this idea.
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  #11  
Old 2002-01-02, 21:48
Atresica Atresica is offline
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Hey, everybody makes that mistake so don't you worry

No you shouldn't, with some good imagenation, you can even make the return of funfrock original

I would love to help you with your story and writings, since I'm a fanatic writer myself.

Since I have also AOL messager (somewhere in a dark corner of my hard drive ), so I'll contact you there
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  #12  
Old 2002-01-02, 22:42
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Sure! That'd be excellent.

You can contact me on AIM. My screenname is Trunks4546.

Pleasure doing bussiness with you.
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  #13  
Old 2002-01-04, 03:25
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Very philosophical: a toy factory in a world populated by toys

hmmm

(All the characters of LBA were based on toys.)
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  #14  
Old 2002-01-04, 03:34
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I had no idea they were based on toys. I hope this doesn't conflict with anything...

Ah well. I think this'll be fun, if I could just get it going.

Join in, if you'd like! More the merry.

I know you're busy with your writings, and your website, but having two great minds working with mind will be quite exciting.

Sincerely, Jonathan
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  #15  
Old 2002-01-04, 15:14
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Perhapes the "toys" made by the factory should look like humans ?
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  #16  
Old 2002-01-04, 21:19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kieron
Very philosophical: a toy factory in a world populated by toys

hmmm

(All the characters of LBA were based on toys.)
Actually, we asked Fred in an e-mail if the rabbibunnies were based on the bunnies of Lego. He answered us he never knew that were Lego bunnies
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Old 2002-01-04, 22:09
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Lego Bunnies? Interesting. I'm from the good ol' USA, and I've never heard of such things... Of course, I didn't play with legos too much either, so.. ^_^;


With your knowledge of such things, this will be a good fic.

Later!
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  #18  
Old 2002-01-05, 13:26
Atresica Atresica is offline
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Well, I used to be a lego freak (just like a couple of other people around here), so I also had the 'legendery' bunny lego puppets (still have it somewhere )

I'll try to catch you today (tonight for me)
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  #19  
Old 2002-01-08, 00:44
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Hey everybody! I was away fer about a week. Miss me?
Sure ya did.

Hmm....Blues. I read your ideas...sounds like you got something interesting going on here...Well...I don't think there's anything that I can tell you that nobody else hasn't.

So I'll just give you my tip of the day: It would be nice to have as much characters as possible that have not been mentioned too many times already. What I mean by that is, don't put FunFrock and Twinsen into the story because frankly, I for one am really tired of them. Same goes for Baldino and the rest of the lot.

Instead, try to make up your own heroes and characters and give them your own personality.

Oh, and this fanfic sounds rather cartoonish. In that case, I'd ass some humor in it.
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  #20  
Old 2002-01-10, 09:37
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i don't think you should trash the original cast like twinsen and baldino because they ARE lba, it would be good if you did put a whole lot of new characters in though.

I don't know much about fanfics so i'm no expert.
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  #21  
Old 2002-01-10, 10:07
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Yes, but you could make an interesting story where there not the main charecters.
hehe...they could just be guest stars in it.
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  #22  
Old 2002-01-10, 22:47
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Thanks for all your tips and support, everyone. With Atrescia's help.... (I most likely spelled that wrong, because I'm a wanker...)

This will be a decent fic design to entertain all of you.

Later!
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  #23  
Old 2002-01-12, 11:56
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here's an idea : why does Funfrock or the ex-emperor has to compete publically with Twinsen or his family members? why can't it just be first some sabotage and blackmail, maybe later a bit more clearly with a toy factory wich makes as a main product just toys (innocent company) but also (secretly) clones of the species?
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  #24  
Old 2002-01-25, 00:56
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Just checking in with everyone... I'm still alive. And I actually have some free time, too. Perhaps Atresica, you'd lstill be interested in working together?


I can't do this alone. Plus, all you LBA fans want quality. Story's are supposed to be entertaining, after all.

Later!
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  #25  
Old 2002-01-25, 20:12
Atresica Atresica is offline
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Still avaleble to helping
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