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  #1  
Old 2004-12-19, 01:34
Medur's Avatar
Medur Medur is offline
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I hate myself and I want to die. What about you?

Yep. Here it is. Should be fun, give it a read.

Randall and Kragatom -
Tales of genocide and murder in a peaceful land

Once upon a time...

There was this guy called Randall that was a zombie and lived in Tralu's cave after Tralu was violently murdered by Twinsen.
Anyway, Ramdal was quite alone in his cave and one day he got tired of spanking the monkey, y'know, riding the dolphin, strangling the goose, slapping the salami, pleasing the pope... hehe pleasing the pope... anyway so he wanted to get outside and he was walking out of the cave when suddenly a fucking huge snake showed up.

- Yo what the fuck you think you doing outta the cave? This is MY tertory bitch.

- GRAWWLLLLRWOOOOORRRGRAWLL!!!

Then the snake was like totally pissed and bote^H^Hbit^H^Hbitened the zombie's neck but what it DIDN'T KNOW is that zombies are ALREADY DEAD (sucker, haha). For fuck's sake zombies are just too awesome. Anyway Rendal pulled the green snake out of his neck and fucking bitened it back. Then a bloody battle began.

The snake tried to strangle the zombie but he was stronger and stepped on it. Then he kicked it until it was bleeding and smashed it with a rock. Blood splattered everywhere. The thin, green grass had its imperfect surface tainted red by the quintessential fluids slowly flowing from the dead body, as the bucolic natural landscape when unwarningly altered by the likes of men; whilst it was swinged back and forth by a nostalgic wind from the North, that brought back long forgotten memories to the speaking animal... WHICH THEN STARTED MOVING, TRANSFORMED IN A ZOMBIE BY RANDAM'S ZOMBIE POISON BITE!

So Randam and Kragatom his pet snake went down the hills to Citadel, the Quetch Citeh, looking for pusseh. They started following this elephant dude with a pink hat because he had a pink hat, but turns out the dude wasn't even a pimp, he was just a normal retarded elephant. That fucking pissed off Rambo, who proceded to BITE'N'SMASH him. Kragatom also bitened the fucker down.

- GRARAWLAWWORLRRRRAWRRRLRLWRARWRWRLLR - Said Rambo.

- Word dis bitch isn't even wotrh zombining. Less jus' steal his shit fore 5-0 comes up. - Said Kragatom.

- GRWAWRWRARAWRWLRLLRAR.

So they stealed all his money and walked around for a while. They soon saw a house with "FRESH MEAT" written on a sign above it, and entered the house. When they got there it was just fresh meat after all, no pusseh.

- GRARAWRAWRAWRRRARL NO PUSSEH? - Said Rambo with a sad face.

Well, that damn pissed him off. So Rando did some BITE'N'SMASH on the butcher while Kragatom the Pet Snake stole all his shit. They also ate meat for a while and talked about old times. But when they got out of the house...

- STOP! - Random thought he was going once again to do some bite'n'smash but the dude suddenly said: HAMMER TIME! and started dancing around in a funny way.

Then some bitches appeared and started dancing aswell, and as everyone was dancing Rendal and Kragatom started dancing too, they actually did the robot, which looks a lot like the zombie. Well, after having fun, they interrogated Good Ol' Hammer:

- Yo broda wheress de bitches in the city? - Said Kragatom the Pet Snake.

Hammer told them to follow the way of golden stone-floor-thing. And so it was.

They ended up in this spooky castle, with some purple lightning. There was a guard in the castle and they BITE'N'SMASHed him. When they got there it was so fucking cool. There was a monster truck competition, skaters and a mud pool with two lesbo chicks ON THE ACT.

So Rando totally touched this chick's breasts and everyone in the place yelled "SCORE!". Rando laughed and things were going well but from nowhere this burning ball comes up and hits his head. Randol falls unconscious on the floor.

- WHO DARES TO TOUCH YARLEY, THE PIMP'S PRINCESS? - Said Twinsen in his rainbow-coloured coat.

Then everyone was silent but that wasn't enough to stop Kragatom from kicking ass. It climbed up on a monster truck and said:

- FUCK YOU MAN FUCK OFF.

This caused profound anger in Twinsen and his eyes burned with madness. He casted his magicball back and threw it on Kragatom. But a head got on the ball's way and changed its route - a FUCKING HUMAN HEAD! Which was ripped off by Ramon who of course woke up to kick some ass. Kragatom rolled up in Ramon's arms and they joined forces.

So Ramon just basically grabbed the monster truck and threw it on Twinsen. That's how bloody strong he is when he joins forces with Kragatom, you wimp. The truck flied out and destroyed the second floor where Twinson was but Twinson escaped.

So Twinson flipped out to the first floor and got some punches right on Raymond. But then Raymond smiled and Kragaton said "Hah! So thass how strong you is? I was jus testin' you fag. Dodd THIS" and Raymond did this ultra mega kick on Twinson's balls.

Twinson started to cry and hold his balls, and fell on the floor like a little girl. Everyone laughed and Raymon finished him off, but didn't kill him: he locked him up on a cage so he'd get fat and get eaten later, with proper spices and stuff.

As there was no boss anymore, the lesbo chicked asked Rayman if he could be the boss, and if he'd sleep with her and her blonde lesbo twin. He grawled yes and assumed the position of Pimp Castle King, complete with crown-hat. They all had a huge party that night, and Hammer showed up in there later when the party was ending, and the party continued, now for 3 days. Rayman scored with all the chicks and wasn't lonely anymore, same thing for Kragatom the Pet Snake.

And it was an awesome first adventure together that the two would never forget, but it was only the first. Many came later, and they'll not be written here, but maybe will some day. You should see how these two got awesomer and awesomer with time.

Well, and here I must conclude this piece, dear reader. This was the story of how Rayban and Kragatom met, and I'm sure you enjoyed it a lot because it was bite'n'smash great. If you didn't you should be shot LOL. The End....... or not.

Last edited by Medur; 2004-12-19 at 02:14.
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  #2  
Old 2004-12-19, 01:39
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SpaceGuitarist SpaceGuitarist is offline
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/me gets a mp5 and points at himself thinking "why didnt i enjoy it? why?" *bang!*.
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Polaris: "And what is a guitar doing in the middle of an asteroïd anyway?"
sgk: Think of it this way: it's like a message in a bottle. In our world, we put a message inside a bottle to protect it while it travels through the oceans to reach some other island. In other worlds, they put a message inside an asteroid to protect it while it travels through space to reach some other planet. In this case it is a gift, a guitar, rather than just a message.
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  #3  
Old 2004-12-19, 02:13
Randebile Randebile is offline
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I'm a big rayman-fan so with rayman in the story its good enough 4 me
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  #4  
Old 2004-12-19, 02:35
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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You've been reading too much "Real Ultimate Power."

I swear you have. Next thing I know, you'll be writting stories about ninjas and how "sweet" and "awsome" they are and they "flip out and kill people."
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  #5  
Old 2004-12-19, 04:07
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SpaceGuitarist SpaceGuitarist is offline
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Polaris: "And what is a guitar doing in the middle of an asteroïd anyway?"
sgk: Think of it this way: it's like a message in a bottle. In our world, we put a message inside a bottle to protect it while it travels through the oceans to reach some other island. In other worlds, they put a message inside an asteroid to protect it while it travels through space to reach some other planet. In this case it is a gift, a guitar, rather than just a message.
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  #6  
Old 2004-12-19, 06:22
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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It's too bad I'm from USSR

****wit.
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  #7  
Old 2004-12-19, 19:58
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SpaceGuitarist SpaceGuitarist is offline
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Polaris: "And what is a guitar doing in the middle of an asteroïd anyway?"
sgk: Think of it this way: it's like a message in a bottle. In our world, we put a message inside a bottle to protect it while it travels through the oceans to reach some other island. In other worlds, they put a message inside an asteroid to protect it while it travels through space to reach some other planet. In this case it is a gift, a guitar, rather than just a message.

Last edited by Lightwing; 2004-12-20 at 02:13.
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  #8  
Old 2004-12-20, 19:56
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Kitarii Kitarii is offline
You what?!
 
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dude not bad
it was a little confusing in parts, but i think i got the idea.
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  #9  
Old 2004-12-21, 01:24
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Gustav Sweden Gustav Sweden is offline
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Seriously, this was awesome! Especially the pet zombie snake with the cool name (which I forgot )
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People like Coldplay, but they don't love them. People like U2, but they don't love them. But people fucking love Oasis. That's the way it is. It's more than the music.
-Noel Gallagher
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  #10  
Old 2005-01-06, 01:18
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Golemboy Golemboy is offline
View paradise and fall...
 
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this is fanfiction. woah








i keep forgeting not to come in here
BEWARE THE FANFICTION FORUM, FOR THAT IS WHERE THE PURPlE CASTRATED IDIOT LIES
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It's always better on holdiday, so much better on holiday; that's why we only work when we need the money

So what if I have to have control over every situation? It's only because you would screw it up.
Two carefully balenced hypocrits could make a perfect world. All I need is another hypocrit now...
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  #11  
Old 2005-01-06, 03:20
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Gustav Sweden Gustav Sweden is offline
Hello
 
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Concede No Goals In Extra Time Concede No Goals In Extra Time The Electric Man Is Slowing In No Its The Horse Without Tongue Oh No
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People like Coldplay, but they don't love them. People like U2, but they don't love them. But people fucking love Oasis. That's the way it is. It's more than the music.
-Noel Gallagher
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  #12  
Old 2005-01-08, 01:51
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SpaceGuitarist SpaceGuitarist is offline
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ok so i read thisthing after so much time.

i liked the name of the guys. Story was fun, except that i still dont quite know what "pimp" means

anyway, was fun poking lightwing
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Polaris: "And what is a guitar doing in the middle of an asteroïd anyway?"
sgk: Think of it this way: it's like a message in a bottle. In our world, we put a message inside a bottle to protect it while it travels through the oceans to reach some other island. In other worlds, they put a message inside an asteroid to protect it while it travels through space to reach some other planet. In this case it is a gift, a guitar, rather than just a message.
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  #13  
Old 2005-01-08, 02:48
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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It seems that you don't know what "poking" means, either.
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  #14  
Old 2006-09-29, 20:05
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Kitarii Kitarii is offline
You what?!
 
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Hehe, just found this again randomly and it's even funnier now. Maybe I get it more cos I'm older... Anyways, nice one.
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  #15  
Old 2010-10-26, 13:27
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samortan samortan is offline
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Well, the story was really nice. It would give you 8 out of 10 . But the most i like was the sound
Quote:
GRAWWLLLLRWOOOOORRRGRAWLL!!!
hahahaha i really loved it.
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  #16  
Old 2010-10-26, 20:40
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Double-J Double-J is offline
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  #17  
Old 2010-10-26, 23:53
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Medur Medur is offline
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What the hell.

I guess I was trying to make a point - I just don't remember what it was.
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