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  #1  
Old 2004-07-25, 22:08
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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A Reviewer Parody

Relentless: Twinsen's Adventure
PC Game

Category: Action Adventure
Publisher: Electronic Arts

Game Summary:
Relentless is a game set in a strange universe, on a planet called Twinsun, inhabited by four strange looking races. Ruled by a notorious dictator named Dr.FunFrock, a quetch by the name of Twinsen, having encountered dreams of a strange goddess, must travel through distant lands and fight enemies that wish to ensalve him, in order to free his people.

Scoring Note: Each category can earn up to 20 points. The higher the score the more appropriate the game is for family. Please see our grading key to see how these categories break down.

Violence Score: 10 out of 20
Killing non-human, fictional beings (Ex. Robots or Aliens) (-7 pts)
The main character displays clear signs of pain when hit (-3 pts)

Most of the action in the game involves throwing of a "magic ball" which the player summons to destroy his enemies. Many robotic enemies, when hit by the ball, bounce back with stars jumping out of their heads. This is very cartoonish and the violence is not meant seriuosly. However, when Twinsen is hit, he moans and groans, showing that he is suffering from pain. As well, some of Twinsen's deaths look quite painful, especially those by spikes and sharp objects.
As well, when he falls into water, he is shown as desperatly trying to swim his way out for a prolonging duration of time, before finally drowning completely. This scene can be particularly gruesome, and it is recommended that parents tell their kids to immediatly quit to menu and restart when the character falls into the water. If your child, by chance, happens to see Twinsen drown, pause the game and have a long talk with him/her about properly swimming,doing so strictly under adult supervision, and that drowning is not actually as tormenting as it is shown in the game. This discussion should be followed by a prayer, before commencing with playing the game.

Language: 16 out of 20
Minor Swear Words are used once or twice (-4 pts)

There is very little swearing in this game. In fact, there was so little that this reviewer can't even remember the specific words used.

Nudity/Sexual Content: 3 out of 20
Implied nudity (-5 pts)
Sex outside of marriage is shown as positive in the game. (- 6 pts)
Homosexuality is shown as positive in the game. (-8pts)

In the begining of the game, Twinsen changes his garment to desguise himself as a nurse. Although you cannot see him change in the locker room, it is obvious that he takes off his clothes.

At the end of the game, Twinsen and his girlfriend Zoe are shown together in the same room. As Zoe sits on the bed, looking lustfully at Twinsen, he is shown as closing the blinds. Although the player does not see the two engage in sexual activities, it is clear what the scene implies. If your child sees this, turn off the game and have a throughout discussion about the negative aspects of sex outside of marriage. This is to be followed by a prayer.

At another time, you will be forced to have a woman engage in flirting misdemeaner with a guard, in order to pass through a gate. While the marital status of the two is unknown, it is quite possible that one or the other could be engaged in adultry. As well, the flirtasious manner of the woman is a clear display of misconduct.

During the game, Twinsen meets a pair of Elves which claim to be in a secret club together. One of the Elves invites Twinsen to join, and it becomes obvious that the nature of this club is homosexual. If your child ever notices this, pause the game and explain that homosexually is very bad and that the Bible states that those of such nature go to Hell.

Occult/Supernatural: 0 out of 20
Game takes place in an environment that is filled with major occult references. (-10 pts)
Occult magic is used by player. (-10 pts)

Relentless takes place in a fairy tale world, with mystical humanoid creatures. Throughout the game you are forced to use such magical objects as "magic balls," mystical horns, and wear a tunic of sorcerry. The appearance of one of the characters in the game is diabolic.
In addition, the entire game surrounds the worship of a goddess called Sendell, which is implied to have created the species of Twinsun, the planet. The theme of false idol worship becomes worse when Sendell makes an actual appearance in the game, engaged in a possibly brainwashing dialogue with the player.

Cultural/Moral/Ethical: 8 out of 20
Game portrays rebellion against established cultural norms. (-3 pts)
Game requires rejecting authority figures or laws. (-4 pts)
Game requires active rebellion to play the game. (-5 pts)

The main idea of the game surrounds an overthrowing of a ruler. To achieve this goal, the main character unites with various rebelling forces and uses occultism to attack law enforcement. Although the appearance of Dr. FunFrock is diabolic and he does turn up wanting to destroy the entire planet to achieve his needs, this is not displayed earlier in the game, and the player will be forced to attack the government in an attempt to overthrow it. The means of rebellion are not even honorable, and at one point in the game, Twinsen even steals/lies to his own neighbor so as to sneak into government headquarters.

Bonus Points Awarded: 3+
This game shows the consequences of evil and/or messing with the occult. (+3 pts)

Relentless: Twinsen's Adventure, is a fun and cartoonish game, displaying little violence or language. However, there is some sexuality in the game, heavy use of occultism and rebellion misdemeanor which is why this game gets a 40% (F-) . Parents should be with a child at all times as he/she plays Relentless. My recommendation is any mature believer only play this game after much prayer and eyes completely closed during the final cut-scene after the credits.

Last edited by Lightwing; 2004-07-26 at 02:30.
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  #2  
Old 2004-07-25, 22:33
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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I can see that you didn't actually READ the review, just skimmed it
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  #3  
Old 2004-07-25, 22:41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightwing
During the game, Twinsen meets a pair of Elves which claim to be in a secret club together. One of the Elves invites Twinsen to join, and it becomes obvious that the nature of this club is homosexual. If your child ever notices this, pause the game and explain that homosexually is very bad and that the Bible states that those of such nature go to Hell.
lol wtf?
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  #4  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:02
Randebile Randebile is offline
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Cool, over a couple a' months try Tp
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  #5  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:07
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first lol
then sickness
third anger. i need to go and inject myself with some ocult drugs and then tormentingly drown myself after having inplied sex with elves

actua;;y, just lol
lol
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  #6  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:29
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Twinsen Guide to understanding, why this thread is not correct.

Guide to understanding, why this thread is not correct.

a) Law-breaking in Relentless? If Relentless forces somebody to break the low, then what do Wolfenstein 3-D (nazis/Adolf Hitler), Blake Stone (aliens/Pyrus Goldfire), Corridor 7 (aliens/Unknown Leader), and Operation Body Count (terrorists/Unknown Leader) do? Then, they force you to overthrow a tyrant, that you shouldn't. Then we should all praise Hitler, just because he ruled the Germany? No way, friend. If the law is bad, then it's made to be broken and overthrown.
b) Sexuality in Relentless? If Relentless is a sexual game, then what is LBA 2, then? In Relentless, everything is normal, while in LBA 2, you can f**ck Rosa The Cow for clovers. This is not only sexual, but zoophiliac. So LBA 2 would get a M-mark? I think not (because the cow thing in LBA 2 is not thing, but just a glitch, because the X-moves are a bit stupid).
c) Occultism? Then what is the game Sacred? A guide to worship The Devil? Lol, you should learn, what occultism is. Sendell's cult is a monotheistic religion. And, besides that, even in Christianism, people were telling, that they saw saints, and Mary appear. And does that make them occultist? No, my friend.
d) Violence? If Relentless is violent, then what Quake III Arena and Quake III Defrag are? Come one, there is no blood in Relentless, and I think killing mechanical thing is better than killing humans (and not vice-versa).

The morality: think, before you write something like that. This review is, like if Relentless was a mix of Lula, Wolfenstein 3-D, Sacred, Biblia Satanica, Quake III Arena, and Freddie Mercury telling, that he's gay. Please, don't write such things. And if this post is an offence, then I'm very, very sorry for offending. OK?
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Last edited by Battler; 2004-07-25 at 23:40.
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  #7  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:34
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ChaosFish ChaosFish is offline
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LOL
That was a good one Lightie.

[edit]Hmm are you dumb Talles and obras? Lightwing made a cool joke.
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  #8  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:42
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- CF: a bit too offensive joke, as we are in a LBA-related forum. And it also does offent gay people, who are not that bad, as Lightwing descibes them.
- Lightwing: all right, you made a joke, but why do post a such insult to the gay people (I'm not gay, of course). How would you like, if someone offended you in that way? The Bible did write about homosexuality, but we live in The Year Of 2004. OK?
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  #9  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:43
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You've gotta be kidding me.
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  #10  
Old 2004-07-25, 23:47
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I don't understand you, CF? Please, explain the sentence ('You've gotta be kidding me.').
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  #11  
Old 2004-07-26, 00:00
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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Does this explain it?
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  #12  
Old 2004-07-26, 00:17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by O_Brasileiro
I don't understand you, CF? Please, explain the sentence ('You've gotta be kidding me.').
This means "Are you joking? Because if you're not, you are weird."
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  #13  
Old 2004-07-26, 00:25
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I understand. I'm not blaming you for making a joke, but for making it with false information. Well... the homosexual thought about the Elves Club is a nice theory, but flaming against gay people and pre-marital sex, just because a stupipd websited did so, is quite stupid. Also, the theory about the characters feeling pain is all right, and the theory about law-breaking is to be put into consideration, but some of the theories are really stupid. So, sorry for the offence, OK? Let's just be friends.
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Old 2004-07-26, 00:29
Lightwing Lightwing is offline
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^_^ Okay, dude.

Sorry, this entire line of conversation is making me laugh :P

I wanted to do an LBA spoof and remembered that Atresica wanted to see what it would be like if those guys reviewed LBA.

For people that don't know english that well:

Parody -- A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule.

Is it just me, or is this forum starting to lose humour and people are beggining to take things a little TAD too seriuosly?
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  #15  
Old 2004-07-26, 00:50
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Well I figured that out, but out of all the review the bit I quoted just made me laugh a good bit.
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  #16  
Old 2004-07-26, 01:33
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lol, just read it and it was great. Good stuff Lightwing.
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Old 2004-07-26, 01:34
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O_Brasileiro, get a sense of humor for fuck's sake. You're brazilian, you're supposed to have one.

And Lightwing, this was a very good one, got me laughing. Very well done, congrats.
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  #18  
Old 2004-07-26, 01:41
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El Wingos...! 'kin rocks!

O Brasileiro...please, *please* tell me that you're not serious.
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  #19  
Old 2004-07-26, 02:28
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It's not a biggie. I think the fellah just misunderstood it.

Anyway, glad to make a few peeps laugh. There haven't been that many LBA spoofs since LBA Bloopers.
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  #20  
Old 2004-07-26, 04:17
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Christ! Very funny! Once again, Lightwing is not insulting homosexuals but Christianity for its teachings on the subject (I know I go to a Catholic school).
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  #21  
Old 2004-07-26, 06:01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaosFish
You've gotta be kidding me.
Look at the ID of this post!
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  #22  
Old 2004-07-26, 15:00
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OMG OMG OMG I POSTED THE 200,000 POST ON THE MBN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I own you all. YES.
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  #23  
Old 2004-07-26, 17:48
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Random Round Number Post:

"You've gotta be kidding me."


Well, this thread is just fulla humour, ain't it?
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  #24  
Old 2004-07-26, 18:07
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Good one Lightwing
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  #25  
Old 2004-07-26, 22:04
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Guys, the word of the year: I was not serious (about the theory, that this thread is not correct). This parody really made me laugh. Honestly. I wrote my first post in this thread only, because I saw some other guys "moaning". And, I know, what parody is. Good one, Lightwing. And yes, we Brazilians do have a sense of humour.
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